FUCKING FUCK WE ARE FUCKED!
Paulson, calm down. We only need ten more votes in the House. Boehner, why did you assholes vote against this?
We felt there was too much big government.
And the democrats?
This differed from our original proposal. We want $10 billion to be earmarked to build a new aquarium for baby seals at the Bronx Zoo.
Did somebody say earmarks? As President, any bill with any delicious, grade-A American pork barrel spending that comes across my desk will face--
By the grace of Excalibur, stop.
Surely, with the power of HOPE… and a hint of CHANGE… Americans can pull together and reach some sort of comp--
Ahhhh, I’m sick of this hope bullshit. You don’t have to talk that way in private, you know.
I would have to agree with John there. But this is really key, and if I could just make an important point...
Anybody see Idol last night? Heheh…
Hey guys, sorry to interject. Did I mention how fucked we are?
Yes. We passed a resolution on it, HR-682. It was a bipartisan bill and everyone agreed that we were pretty fucked.
See? This is why they elected us! Democrats get things DONE!
Look, as long as you guys can promise us that none of this money will go to help poor people or any lame shit like that, we’re in. My daughter's "My dad is a liberal pussy" Facebook group already has six thousand members.
Are you kidding? Mr. Commissioner over there vetoes all of that crap. We don’t even bother anymore.
Are you kidding? Mr. Commissioner over there vetoes all of that crap. We don’t even bother anymore. 
Who did what with the what now?
So look, if you guys can spot me just this once, I promise I’ll never ask again. I can’t really tell you what I’m gonna use it for, but I mean it's not like it would just be used to build some sort of gigantic Art Deco statue of Ayn Rand in the center of Times Square that a firm I'm affiliated with has designed, or anything like that. But I mean EVEN IF I WAS, would that not create construction jobs?
I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime, Barack, John, why don’t you have your VPs briefed on the subject so we can air our differences in front of the American people?
Joe Biden comes from Scranton. He is just like you and me.
Barack! Wake up. You aren’t on the campaign trail.
Joe Biden commutes uphill a hundred miles… both ways… on the back of a mule… to and from work every day… to spend time with his family.
Yeah, about that, Madame Speaker… uh… My VP has uh… a hockey game to go to… she can’t really uh… Dear God, why didn’t I choose Romney?
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